August 21, 2014

Hello dave The Big Blog Post of Why

Sometimes when I'm on the train, my mind wanders and I begin asking myself questions. When this happens, I know it is August and my brain has shut down for vacation.  I may not have all the answers to the questions, but at least I can ask them.  

Let's begin.

Why is there no Number 8 subway train?  Many people have asked this very same question and most come to the same conclusion:  Who cares?  We have lives.  Well, not here at TheTrainInVain.  We think, and ponder.  We wonder.  Why is there a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 train, but no 8?  There was a 9 train, it was taken out of service some years ago.  According to Wikipedia, the great source of truth, an 8 train was in service until 1973.  These days, new trains are delivered with cards so that an 8 train COULD be put back into service. So we have that knowledge going for us.  Which is nice.

Would I be better off driving into the city or taking the Long Island Rail Road?
If you are trying to decide between taking the 7:29 AM train to Manhattan or driving, I strongly suggest driving.

How does the Long Island Rail Road manage to keep train lavatories so consistently filthy?
I'm comforted knowing that when I slide open the lav door, I can count on 1) the door lock being broken, 2) liquid mysteries, 3) no running water, and 4) paper towels packed in so tightly that one will only be able to tear off a thumb-sized piece of paper towel.  It's a testament to the LIRR maintenance team that the lavs are consistently in this state.

Why does it cost more to ride the train during peak hours?
Because this is a democracy.  A free market. When you have a monopoly operation, there are price gouging opportunities.  The LIRR is as American as email spying and oversized food portions.

Why is Penn Station's Track 17 so annoying?
This one's for the regular LIRR commuters.  Track 17 is so narrow that your average cat has a hard time walking it without falling to the tracks.  When the conductor announces "Arriving in Penn Station on Track 17," add 10 minutes to your commute.  It will take you that long to get from the train to the nearest staircase as the throng swarms the platform.

Can I contract a fatal disease if I take the middle seat of a three-seater?
Yes, most definitely. For your safety and for the safety of your loved ones, don't ever take the middle seat.  Unless you don't mind being surrounded by anger.

How come when it is comfortable outside, the subway platform is approximately 8 million degrees?
It's primarily due to greenhouse gases.  We all need to shrink our carbon footprint.

How can I shrink my carbon footprint?
Buy smaller shoes.

Do you know the way to San Jose?
No no no no, no no no no no, no.

What time does the last train to Clarksville leave?
I just ask the questions.  You'll have to check the schedule.


**

Happy and safe commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

The best compliment I can receive is a new follower who was referred by a friend! 

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the "Follow By E-Mail box."  Or, if you're on Facebook, give TheTrainInVain page a "Like."  You can also follow me on Twitter.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy
email: thetrain.invain.829@gmail.com


August 15, 2014

Hello dave The Morning Grind

Some of you have asked me what the daily grind is like when commuting on the train.  There are several "legs," including the morning routine, the drive to the station, the train ride, the subway, and finally arrival.   In today's post, I'll give you a glimpse into the morning routine on a typical day.  The morning routine is supposed to culminate in my catching the 7:29 AM express to Penn Station.

5:00:00 AM - Alarm goes off to exercise
5:00:01 AM - Wife nudges me to shut off alarm
5:00:02 AM - Reset alarm to 6 AM

6:00:00 AM - Alarm goes off
6:00:01 AM - Wife nudges me to shut off alarm
6:00:02 AM - I click snooze
6:05:00 AM - Alarm goes off, I click snooze
6:10:00 AM - Alarm.  Wife proves her elbow strength.  I get up

6:15:00 AM - Shower.  Make mental to do list.  Forget all items by the time shower is done
6:20:00 AM - Brush teeth and shave
6:30:00 AM - Dress, remark to self how on time I am.  I will easily make the 7:29 train
6:30:05 AM - 4 year old wakes up.  Likelihood of making the 7:29 train erodes

6:35:00 AM - Move to kitchen.  Pack lunch if I'm brown-bagging that day
6:36:00 AM - Put on TV show in den for 4 year old.  Return to kitchen to pack lunch
6:38:00 AM - 4 year old requests different show.  Return to den to find something better
6:40:00 AM - 4 year old reminds me I said I'd set up his train tracks.  Set them up

6:47:00 AM - Return to kitchen to finish making lunch
6:50:00 AM - 4 year old needs help finding a Lego piece
6:55:00 AM - Give up. Pack banana and yogurt.  Will buy lunch.
6:58:00 AM - Drop K-Cup in the Keurig and make coffee to go
7:00:00 AM - 9 and 11 year olds up, help them get breakfast
7:05:00 AM - Say goodbye to all, leave house
7:07:00 AM - 4 year old sad because I didn't say bye.  Go back in
7:10:00 AM - Big hug, promise to set up his trains again tonight

7:10:05 AM - Make mental note to set up his trains this evening
7:13:00 AM - Say goodbye to everyone again

7:15:00 AM - Get in car to drive to train station
7:27:00 AM - Arrive at train station after stopping for 829 red lights
7:28:00 AM - Park car
7:29:00 AM - Watch 7:29 AM train pull out of the station
7:40:00 AM - Get on next train to Penn Station

7:46:00 AM - Wife calls, 4 year old pouting because I didn't say goodbye
7:47:00 AM - Say goodbye on phone to 4 year old.  Ignore dirty looks from passengers
7:52:00 AM - Receive 2nd phone call from wife, I left the yogurt and banana on the table
8:05:00 AM - Notice odd behaviors.  Write a quick post or jot ideas for blog post
8:10:00 AM - Read the paper, drink coffee
8:20:00 AM - Nod off
8:25:00 AM - Arrive in Penn Station, after a solid 5 minutes of sleep

What did my 4 year old want me to do again?  I can't remember.

**

Happy and safe commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

The best compliment I can receive is a new follower who was referred by a friend! 

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the "Follow By E-Mail box."  Or, if you're on Facebook, give TheTrainInVain page a "Like."  You can also follow me on Twitter.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy
email: thetrain.invain.829@gmail.com

August 12, 2014

Hello dave Two-Fer Tuesday

On the train, realizing there's opportunity for a scientific study to support a new hypothesis: The louder and more obnoxious the ringtone, the louder and more obnoxious the person using the mobile device. I should have a valid sample set within weeks. I'll let you know which medical journals publish my findings.

On the train, some guy just spritzed himself with cologne. It's nasty, "Axe" type stuff. I may go ride in the little space between the cars the rest of the way home.

August 10, 2014

Hello dave Crying Fowl

This rooster lives at the Bay Shore train station and is well known to the regular passengers. 

If it boards the quiet car, I hope there isn't a cock fight if it can't keep the noise down.


Hello dave Technology Failures, Male Stubbornness, and High Anxiety

Recently, I made a mad dash from the subway to the Long Island Rail Road at Penn Station to catch a train that was about to leave.  As I weaved in and out of people, I glanced up at the departures board and briefly saw "7:44 Ronkonkoma Track 19."  At least, I THOUGHT that's what it said.  I flew down the steps and jumped onto the train at Track 19 as the doors closed.  Made it!

I made my way down the aisle and found a seat.  As I settled in, I looked up at the train's destination screen, like the one in the image to the right, circled in yellow.  That little departure screen typically alternates between the train's final destination and the next stop.

My final destination is usually Huntington or Ronkonkoma.

That night, the sign indicated "Great Neck,"  and the automated announcement confirmed, "this is the train to Great Neck.  The next stop is Flushing."  In my haste, did I get on the wrong train?  How embarrassing. I made this mistake once before, a long time ago.  Then again, the destination screens are sometimes wrong.  So I said to myself, "no, it's good.  You know you got on the right train."

Or did I?  Can't be sure.

If you're a woman reading this blog, you know there was a very simple solution to the predicament.  That is, ask someone.  But, if you're a man reading this blog, you know that solution would not work.  There was NO WAY I would sit there and ask the guy next to me if the train goes to Great Neck.  No way.

As the train continued on, I was hoping for a conductor's announcement indicating that the automated system was wrong.  That didn't happen.  So, I started making mental plans for getting from Great Neck to home, just in case I'd gotten on the wrong train.

To understand the next part of the story, you have to understand a little about how the Long Island Rail Road is organized.  To explain it, I'll use a crudely drawn diagram, shown on the left.

You see, all trains from New York City (Penn Station, Hunterspoint Avenue, and Atlantic Terminal) have to go through Jamaica Station in Queens.  It is the "knot" in the "bow tie."  Or as I prefer to call it, the "pointless bottleneck."  Given that all trains have to converge there, there is a slowdown, which adds ten minutes or so to the average commute.

The exception is the Port Washington line, on which Great Neck is a stop.  Great Neck is one of the best commutes on the Long Island Rail Road, which is why a 2,500 square foot "fixer-upper" house there sells for approximately $350 million.  Plus taxes.  Doors, windows, and roof sold separately.  But, oh, the commute!

Now that you are armed with this knowledge about the Long Island Rail Road, you realize that if we were to get to Jamaica Station, there would be no way we could go to Great Neck.  Let's get back to the story.

The train slowed down.  Were we approaching Jamaica station?  I wasn't sure.  It was dark and I couldn't see much out the window.  Yes!  I see something familiar!  We are approaching Jamaica!  I'm saved!

Or am I?  Can't be sure.  What if there IS a train that goes from Jamaica to Great Neck that I don't know about?  It's not as though I travel to Great Neck much.

The automated announcement once again said, "train to Great Neck."  People got off the train, people got on the train, the doors shut, and off we went.  Still no announcement from the conductor, and nobody said a word about the automated announcement.  Perhaps they were sure it was wrong, but, perhaps they were sure it was right!

Just then, the conductor came on the PA and announced, "this is the train to Ronkonkoma.  Sorry about the automated system, we're having some problems with it this evening."

"Ha ha!" I said to the guy sitting across the aisle.  "As if we didn't know!!!"  He agreed.  I think I saw him wipe a bead of sweat from his brow after the announcement, but I can't be sure.

Happy and safe commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

The best compliment I can receive is a new follower who was referred by a friend! 

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the "Follow By E-Mail box."  Or, if you're on Facebook, give TheTrainInVain page a "Like."  You can also follow me on Twitter.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy
email: thetrain.invain.829@gmail.com




August 8, 2014

Hello dave Sunset Over Jamaica

"Sunset over Jamaica" has its own meaning for Long Islanders.  At least I'm enjoying a cocktail on the train after an extraordinarily hectic week.




August 6, 2014

Hello dave Some Bad Commuting Strategies

Sometimes, people commute but don't think through their commuting strategies.  As a result, they make bad choices which can impact the commutes of those around them.  I'll share with you a few of the poor planners I've witnessed.

Guy with a full cup of coffee but no lid.  Isn't it obvious?  Maybe I have a skewed view of commuting since I've done it for so long.  Recently, I saw a man walking on the platform of a NYC Subway station with a full cup of coffee but no top.  You know the walk. It's the slow Frankenstein steps to avoid spilling something that is filled high.

I figure it's got to be one of the following scenarios playing out.

a) It was the very first subway trip he'd ever taken, and he thought the trains run several inches off the rails via the magic of magnets, resulting in a commute so smooth that you can't even tell you're moving.  He'd of course be wrong with that assumption.

b) He planned to stay on the platform for a while, sipping his caffeinated beverage while taking in all the beauty a subway station has to offer, including rodent wildlife, skin rejuvenating humidity, dripping mystery liquid from above, and that melodic sound of shrieking, squealing train brakes.

c)  He's a superhero, and planned to use his coffee as a weapon to fight against the evil and tyrannical TeaMan, a villain who calls the subway home.

My advice: Get a lid.  It may set you back $0.08, but you and your fellow commuters will all be much happier.  I don't know how the rest of his commute went, but I sure do feel bad for those unfortunate enough to have been near him. By the second or third stop, someone in his vicinity was likely wearing a light with two Splendas.

Guy with a folder full of unorganized papers.  Like many, I use train time to catch up on work, reading, writing a blog post, whatever.  Sometimes though, you'll see a person who has come to the train armed with so much paperwork that all the stuff revolts and tries to escape.  I have seen people pick up reams of documents that have fallen all over the train floor.  Yuck.

My advice: 1974 wants its paper back.  A computer will serve you much better.

Guy without money or a ticket.  I think I covered this ad nauseum in my post, "Life And Theft On The LIRR," which was also published in Newsday (this is still exciting to me).  It's worth mentioning again here, because the guy without money or a ticket is the worst strategist of all.  How does one forget money AND a ticket?  At the risk of offending people again with this point of view, you don't go to the supermarket and buy food or go to a restaurant and order a meal if you don't have money.  So why should it be ok to get a free ride on the train?

My advice: Life isn't free.  Pay your way.

If you need me, I'll be on the train, with a lid-covered coffee, my computer, and my ticket that I paid for.  What can I say, I have a novel approach to life.

Happy and safe commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.


The best compliment I can receive is a new follower who was referred by a friend! 

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the "Follow By E-Mail box."  Or, if you're on Facebook, give TheTrainInVain page a "Like."  You can also follow me on Twitter.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy
email: thetrain.invain.829@gmail.com