May 29, 2014

Hello dave Rant of the Day

I am aggravated with the MTA today. I forgot my MetroCard, which gets me on the subway to my office after taking the LIRR.

When you don't have a MetroCard, you have to pay $1.00 for the privilege of owning a new one.  Is the $1.00 a lot of money? Of course not. But we pay a lot of money for transit services as it is. This dollar for a new card, with no value on it, is a slap. A "screw you, we can charge whatever we feel, and you can't do anything about it" charge. 

End of rant. I will now get on with my day. Thanks for listening. And hold on to your MetroCard when it's empty. Don't give them any more of your money than is necessary. 

Ok I feel better now.

May 26, 2014

Hello dave How Many Ways Can I Be Late?

Every day, I try to catch the 7:29 express.  Why?  It's a great train.  It originates from my station, and the doors open 15 minutes before departure time.  This means no standing on the platform waiting for the train in bad weather.  As a train commuter, these things matter, and a lot of things will conspire to go wrong in the morning and make me miss my train.  Let's look at a few.

Demanding Four Year Old.  I adore my little guy, I really do.  Just seeing his little smiling happy face brightens my day.  But I know that when he gets up during my morning routine, Vegas increases the odds of me making my train from 2:1 to 100:1.  Those of you with young kids understand what I mean.  I have to handle all kinds of things for him, like changing the TV show he wants to watch until he is happy with what I put on.  Never mind that the boy is perfectly capable of working the remote control.  Other times, I MUST find something he's missing, like sunglasses.  Doesn't every kid need his sunglasses IN the house at 6:45 AM?  These are his emergencies, and I'm his 911 operator.

829 traffic lights on the way to the station.  I've addressed this before - You can't drive more than 1000 feet on Long Island without coming to an intersection.  My house is about four miles from the train station.  It can take 20 minutes to get there.  What's that, about 12 MPH, on average?  Fantastic!  If I miss a few lights, I’m getting on the 7:40.  Or maybe even the 8:07.

People who do not know how to drive in a parking garage.  This is the one that makes me absolutely nuts.  Are parking garages that complex? You drive in, you follow the arrows.  The arrows direct you around bends and curves.  An open spot appears.  You pull into the spot.  You get on with life.

But sometimes, you get behind someone who is befuddled by the parking lot.  They pull in and immediately slow down.  They look around, they hit the brakes every three seconds.  They stop fully at the stop signs!  It's a parking garage.  According to County Parking Code 829.RJED.0943, stop signs in a parking garage are optional.  Keep moving.

The thing that makes me shake my head the MOST is the guy who slows down and puts on his turn signal to go around a bend.  There's no road.  You aren't turning from Garage Street to Parking Lot Drive.  Tick tock.  I’m missing the train.  For goodness sake, pull over and let the professionals get to work.

Whew, that was a rant.  Thanks for listening.  See you on the 7:29 train.  But if you don't, you know it's because I'm busy changing the TV show from "Bubble Guppies" to "Paw Patrol."

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

The best compliment I can receive is a new follower who was referred by a friend! 

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May 20, 2014

Hello dave Unusual Things Brought On The Train, Part III

In recent posts, I've commented on the interesting things people bring on the train.  I saw a man carrying a bag of extension cords, and a woman with a puppy.  There were the large stuffed animals I won at a company holiday party.  Then, a fellow train observer pointed out that a man in the UK tried to bring his horse on the train.  I'm still amazed by that one.

On May 19th, the New York Times published an article about the Long Island Rail Road Lost and Found.  People bring interesting things on the train, but what they forget and leave behind can be even more interesting!  Of course, there are the garden variety backpacks, jewelry, and phones.  There's hats, gloves, and umbrellas.  None of these surprise me.  Let’s look at the more unusual ones.

A prosthetic leg.  It doesn’t surprise me that a person forgot a prosthetic leg in a case.  If the person was transporting and not wearing it, he could easily forget it at his destination.  But how did it go unclaimed?  How did this person not call the Long Island Rail Road to see if the leg was found?  I am fortunate enough to know nothing of the lifestyle required of prosthesis wearers.  But I would think that a prosthetic leg wearer most likely keeps a few ready for use.  If one was missing, wouldn’t he notice?

A friend suggested someone could have pulled a prank and stole it, and then abandoned it on the train.  That’s a possibility, but I hope it isn’t what happened.

Dentures.  Aside from being really gross, how does one leave behind teeth?  How? You tell me.  Don’t you have to eat at some point?  Don’t you notice that you can’t bite into your meal because you are missing your choppers?  Maybe this person typically purees all his food into the consistency of apple sauce, so it slipped his mind. 

An antique gun.  All over this great land of ours, NRA members are shaking their heads at how someone could EVER leave a gun behind. While the gun owner will probably never be reunited with his antique weapon, at least he can go to the nearest Wal-Mart and buy a brand new one.  He can just bring his carry permit, or a note from his mother, and purchase a new firearm.  God Bless America.

One time, I left my mobile phone on the train.  At the time I figured, what the heck, let me check the Lost and Found.  Sure enough they had it.  I give the Long Island Rail Road lots of credit for running an excellent Lost and Found operation.  Given the amount of stuff they collect, it is a good thing someone left behind a gun.  After all, the guy working the lost and found counter needs to protect himself.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy

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May 18, 2014

Hello dave Unusual Things Brought On The Train, Part II

Recently, I blogged about strange things I've seen on the train.  Well, a Twitter follower alerted me to this 26 second gem of a news clip.  A man tried to bring his pony on the train.  A pony trumps extension cords, large stuffed animals, and puppies any day of the week.  Why did he try to bring his pony on the train?  Who knows.  I suppose even ponies have to get from Point A to Point B.

Watch the video.  It's worth the 26 seconds.



This is why I blog.  The material never fails to present itself.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the box that says "Follow By E-Mail."

Someone once told me that if a street performer made you stop and watch, you owe him a buck. I like to think there's an analogous rule on the Internet. If you read this post and it made you smile, would you give the blog a Facebook "Like?" It's here on the page, you'll find it at the bottom of the screen.


May 16, 2014

Hello dave TheTrainInVain Has a New Domain!

I got the domain!  From now on, you can come to the site by accessing http://www.thetraininvain.com  or http://thetraininvain.com.

While I've got your attention, could I ask you to think of one friend who might be interested in the blog, and send that person a quick note to let them know about it?  I'm trying to get creative to expand awareness.

Thanks for your support!  Happy Commuting.

May 15, 2014

Hello dave Slept Past My Stop. A Lesson Learned

Oftentimes, I poke fun at amateur commuters.  I realize, though, that any professional was once a newbie.  I'm going to share a story about a rookie commuting mistake I made when I first moved to the suburbs after many years of city life.

I'd been out to dinner with friends in Manhattan, and got on the train to go home.  It was really late, and I had a few drinks earlier.  I was pretty tired when I got settled on the 55 minute local train.  I closed my eyes to rest.  Can you guess what happened next?

I slept like a baby.  All the way to the train's final stop.  In Ronkonkoma.  25 miles east of my intended stop, Hicksville.  The conductor had to wake me up to exit the train.  It was 2 AM, and there weren't any taxis around to get me home.  I walked off the platform to the station house to see when the next train was.  4 AM.  What was I going to do for two hours?  I considered several options.

I could call my wife.  Um, really bad idea.  At the time I had one child, and he was about 3-5 months old.  I don't think she would wake him, dress him, and pack him up in the car to come get me in the middle of the night.  Waking a new mother who desperately needs sleep to give you a ride when you've been out having fun is not the route to marital bliss.  I'd have to find another way.

I could call a taxi.  There was a taxi stand, but no one was there.  I called several taxi companies, but none had any drivers available who could make the trek.

I could call my in-laws, they live nearby.  Forget you even read that.

I was out of luck.  Weather wise, it was comfortable outside and I took a walk looking for a place to pass the time.  There was a 24 hour coffee shop nearby.  I sat down and ate something I probably shouldn't have eaten, like a big bakery cookie wrapped in cellophane that had been sitting for days. I had a conversation with a guy who worked there, and he told me that my situation happens all the time.  Made me feel a bit better about my predicament.  First world problems.

Two hours later, I'd read all the newspapers they had at the coffee shop, I'd played the "Snake" game on my phone for a solid 30 minutes.  If you don't remember the game, here's an image to jog your memory.

The Nokia "Snake" game.  Kept me busy.

Finally, the next westbound train arrived, and I got on.  When the conductor came to collect my ticket, I sheepishly told him I slept through my stop two hours earlier and was heading back.  He gave me a knowing smile and said "have a nice day."  I learned that conductors often let that situation slide.

These days, I set my phone alarm to go off five minutes before arrival, when I know I'm tired.  Live and learn.  Or don't learn, in which case, I'll ask you to please say hi to the man at the Ronkonkoma 24 hour coffee shop for me.  He'll have newspapers ready for you.  I'd skip the cookie.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy

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Someone once told me that if a street performer made you stop and watch, you owe him a buck. I like to think there's an analogous rule on the Internet. If you read this post and it made you smile, would you give the blog a Facebook "Like?" It's here on the page, you'll find it at the bottom of the screen.

May 12, 2014

Hello dave Unusual Things Brought On The Train

Most of my blog posts have been about the interesting things people do on the train.  This is the first in a series of however many I come up with, exploring the strange things people bring on the train.  I'm pleased to include a story about myself in this category. 

A shopping bag full of extension cords.  I was sitting in a three-seater by the window.  A man sat down in the aisle seat, and put his huge shopping bag down in the middle seat.  Being the curious (nosy) person I am, I peered into the bag.  He was transporting extension cords.  There must have been 50 in that bag.  Who carries a big bag of extension cords on the train?  What was he doing with them?  I don’t know the story, but here are some possibilities.
  • He lives in an apartment building, and his power was shut off for lack of bill payment.  He's running all his appliances to the hallway power outlet (I know someone who did this).
  • He has an electric car, but no time to charge it.  He's going to daisy chain the cords so he can drive without unplugging.
  • He was a mule for the seamy extension cord underworld and black market, full of intrigue, exotic people, double crossing, and backstabbing.
Must be option 3.

Large stuffed animals.  This is the one about me.  A company I once worked for had a carnival holiday party, with games and prizes.  There was even an employee dunk tank. This company was serious about parties.

I won a couple of very large stuffed animals.  Each was a Scooby-Doo about four feet tall.  I couldn't possibly abandon prizes my kids would love.  Car service was available to get home, but there was a two-hour wait.  I decided to take the train.

I figured it was after midnight on a Thursday and there would be no problem putting the stuffed animals in the seat against the window. I didn't realize there was a Ranger game that night.  For those of you who don't live in the New York area, the Rangers play at Madison Square Garden, which is right above the Long Island Rail Road terminal at Penn Station.  Many Ranger fans attend games, do a lot of drinking, and then get on the train home.  A Ranger game ended earlier that evening, and a crew of rowdy guys in Ranger jerseys got on my train.

Several saw my very large stuffed animals, and soon there was a small crowd around me.  They peppered me with questions about how I got them.  These guys were really interested, as the conversation went on for a while. After they got the information they needed, they went back to being rowdy amongst themselves.

The things we do for our kids.

Large live animals. Blind folks take the train with guide dogs all the time.  Service animals are not unusual.  But recently, a woman came on with a golden retriever puppy.  No pet carrier, just the lady and her dog on a leash. This isn’t allowed, but you know what?  The puppy was so well behaved.   That dog made everyone smile the whole way home.  People played with the dog and several of us had good conversation for the entire ride.

Here's the puppy that improved everyone's commute.

The secret ingredient for a happy commute
I may drop a note in the Long Island Rail Road suggestion box proposing they provide a 4 month old golden retriever in each train car to improve commuter morale.  And maybe some Scooby-Doo lamps we could plug in with extension cords.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense. 

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/thetraininvain
Twitter: @davidrtrainguy
email: thetrain.invain.829@gmail.com

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Someone once told me that if a street performer made you stop and watch, you owe him a buck. I like to think there's an analogous rule on the Internet. If you read this post and it made you smile, would you give the blog a Facebook "Like?" It's here on the page, you'll find it at the bottom of the screen.



May 7, 2014

Hello dave Interesting Characters of the Fourth Quarter

Friends, we’ve come to the final quarter of the year for our Long Island Rail Road pin-up calendar of interesting characters.  What a year it is shaping up to be!  In previous posts, I presented the interesting train characters of the first nine months. Now, I'm going to share the final three characters of the year.

To refresh your memory on the first three quarters, we had:

Month
Character
January
Six Pack Guy
February
End It All Guy
March
Footloose and Fancy Free Gal
April
Medical Emergency Guy
May
Slither Around Everyone Waiting For Doors To Open Guy
June
Vicious Newspaper Consumption Guy
July
Sleeping Guy Without a Face
August
The Iron Oozer
September
Huge Suitcase Guy

You may remember that I lamented the fact that the train characters are male by an 8:1 margin, which is unacceptable in these politically correct times.  Therefore, the fourth quarter consists of all women.  That changes the men:women ratio for the year to 2:1. It feels good to be so inclusive.  

Here we go.  The interesting train ladies of the fourth quarter.

October - Makeup Cannot Be Rushed Woman

WAKE UP (wake up)
GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE MAKEUP
-- Chop Suey, System of a Down

Women put on makeup all the time.  That’s not very interesting.  Oftentimes, you’ll see a woman pull out the compact, add a little eyeliner, a little blush, a little whatever.  Sometimes they use that eyelash curler thing, which frankly looks like a torture device. That thing seems dangerous to use when standing on solid ground, let alone on a moving train. I guess some ladies like to roll the dice.

But some women bring the entire makeup case on the train for a full makeup session.  I’ve seen this several times.  A woman will first start with the foundation (SPF 50, of course), followed by the blush, followed by the eyeliner, followed by the creepy eyelash curler, followed by the eyeshadow, followed by the who-knows-what.  

On an express train, my ride is about 40-45 minutes.  I’ve seen several “Makeup cannot be rushed ladies” take the entire train ride into Manhattan to perform this ritual.  Less is more.

November - Vocal Cat Woman

Get back, honky cat
Living in the city ain't where it's at
It's like, trying to find gold in a silver mine
It's like, trying to drink whiskey, oh, from a bottle of wine
-- Elton John, Honky Cat

Sometimes you’ll see people travel with a pet carrier on the train.  Hey, the cat’s gotta get home for Thanksgiving too, right?  Right.  How come I never see a man with a cat?  It is always a woman with a cat.  But back to the topic.

Cats in pet carriers are not happy.  They protest, and their protests are vocal.  Simple rule of thumb: When the cat is not happy, no one is happy.  Find another car if you want peace. 

December - 829 Holiday Gifts Lady

Did you ever see the faces
Of the children they get so excited
Waking up on Christmas morning
Hours before the winter sun’s ignited
-- The Who, “Christmas“

I love holiday time in the city.  New York has such a special feeling in December.  As long as I stay far, far away from anything that tourists like to visit, it really has such a great vibe.  

What’s everyone doing in the city, besides clogging up the sidewalks?  Shopping, of course! Driving into the city is a big mistake at this time of year, so lots of people take the train.  And they buy many things.  And those things have to get home.   So, they get on the train.  With their 829 bags.  Whatever these gifts are, they’re far too special and breakable to go in the overhead rack.  Besides, there are too many to fit up there.  Therefore, 829 Holiday Gifts Lady sits in the two seater, next to me, with a stack of gifts in her lap that goes higher than my head.  Her holiday gift to me is the sensation of commuting in a coffin. 

So there you have it, folks!  All twelve months of train characters. Now that I have the content, it’s time to get to work, if I want to have this calendar out in time for the holiday season.  Let me know if you’d like to be a model for one of the months.  If you want to be the makeup woman, you’ll have to bring your own cosmetics bag.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

Twitter: @davidrtrainguy

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the box that says "Follow By E-Mail."

Someone once told me that if a street performer made you stop and watch, you owe him a buck. I like to think there's an analogous rule on the Internet. If you read this post and it made you smile, would you give the blog a Facebook "Like?" It's here on the page, you'll find it at the bottom of the screen.

May 5, 2014

Hello dave Bus Trials And Tribulations

Today's TheTrainInVain blog post comes from my friend Jill.  Jill and I both grew up in Rockland County, where the best way to get to midtown Manhattan is by bus.  Jill is raising her family there, and she shares a story of how a novice commuter learned the unwritten rules of bus etiquette.

When I first began commuting from Rockland County to Manhattan via Coach bus, my husband was already a 10-year veteran.  He gave me tips and tricks on how to get a good seat, avoid "undesirables" sitting next to me, and stay away from trouble with other passengers.  But I was brazen, and blew off the seemingly overcautious and strange rules he explained to me.  Instead of heeding his advice, I learned from the school of experience.

You wait your turn! On one of my first trips, we arrived at the terminal and the bus stopped.  I made the mistake of getting out of my seat and into the aisle, out of turn. Out of turn?  Yes.  There is a protocol to bus egress.  I didn't know that I was supposed to wait for the passengers in the seats ahead of me to depart first.  And it goes even further.  The right side has to depart before the left side.  For this mistake, I was heckled by the savvier commuters.  "Oh, she must be busier than everyone else."  

I was indignant and surprised.  I called my husband for moral support, and he sided with the other commuters and told me that I was supposed to wait my turn.  I was angry, and huffed and puffed about it, but I learned and did not do that again.  I prefer not to have people yell at me.

You wait in line!  Another time, I was waiting for the bus to come.  I was standing at the hometown bus stop, and I learned another protocol.  Unlike waiting for a train, where everyone stands in a group and piles into the train when the doors open, you wait in a line.  When you arrive at the bus stop, you take your place at the back of the line.  One day, we were all lined up, and I was last in the line.  When the bus arrived, instead of stopping at the front of the line, the bus stopped right in front of me. "Sweet," I thought! Best seat goes to me!  

I started to board, but was nearly lynched by the other riders.  Boarding a suburban bus is different from a public city bus, as I found out.  Again, I called my husband for some support, and again he took the side of the other commuters.  He said, "it's like a snake, the tail follows the head." He was saying that the back of the line fans out behind the front of the line.  Front of the line gets on first.  Oops.

I learn these rules every day.  As the years pass, I've learned to step in lock formation. Now, I see incidents with other "newbies" and laugh.  I hope they have bus "mentors" like my husband was to me.  

Commuting on public transit is not for everyone, but it's certainly never dull.  

I hope you enjoyed my "guest post" from the "Land of Rocks," as David calls it.

Thanks again, Jill, for your contribution.  I think all forms of transportation would benefit immensely if "Rule Mentoring" was offered.  It could be like those defensive driving courses to lower auto insurance.  If you can prove you've taken a Rule Mentoring course, you get a 10% discount on fares.  Naturally, I'd be happy to write the curriculum.  If they asked nicely.


Twitter: @davidrtrainguy

Sign up for the blog mailing list by entering your email address in the box that says "Follow By E-Mail."

Someone once told me that if a street performer made you stop and watch, you owe him a buck. I like to think there's an analogous rule on the Internet. If you read this post and it made you smile, would you give the blog a Facebook "Like?" It's here on the page, you'll find it at the bottom of the screen.